Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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