He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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