I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
3pm strippers are depressing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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