I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
