y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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