You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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