i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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