I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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