I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
