if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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