Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
