Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
