Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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