Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
