mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
