dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
