Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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