3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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