i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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