I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He kissed a someone with a penis
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
