I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
