why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
