i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
