That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
