im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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