Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
