The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
