just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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