One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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