literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
