You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
