HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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