Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Randomize
