She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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