ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
