my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
