I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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