I puked a lego.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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