my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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