cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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