Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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