he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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