I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
