My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
