What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
