someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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