well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
