try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
