he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
PANTIES FOUND
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