everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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