shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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