i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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