Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
