i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
